Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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