I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
