I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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