i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
