Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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