Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
