Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
