So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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