I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
