people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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