Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i have two assholes
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
