Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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