She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
