sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
