Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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