I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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