You can't special order awesome
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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