Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
