I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
