Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
