Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
