mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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