Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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