I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
