If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You are the jesus of drinking
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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