do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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