Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize