Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
