I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
