just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
