I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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