We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
