Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
