Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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