Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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