rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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