Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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