Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
