FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My bed smells like the plague
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
