Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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