I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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