More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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