Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Houston, we have a squirter
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize