dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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