I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
