The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
