mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
