Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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