He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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