barbara walters just said penis...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
