aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
