i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize