I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
PANTIES FOUND
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