Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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