I think my vagina is haunted
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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