Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
