Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
