meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
