I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize