i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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