Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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