if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
