he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
