Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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