please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
