Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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