how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
